How to be Soft in a Hard World
“I can’t leave. There’s no way I can leave. This is my identity. This is who I am,” I whispered to my reiki master with my back on the ice cold floor of my New York City apartment. It was fall of 2019, just a few months after I underwent surgery to remove an ovarian cyst from my womb. I had just learned that there was another tissue encapsulation growing on my left ovary.
Living in constant fear of an ovarian cyst rupture had become my norm (read more about my full journey here). But it was really starting to take its toll. Not only was my physical health deteriorating from chronic ovarian cysts, but my mental health was at an all time low as I navigated how to continue to perform up to standards at my magazine editor job, take care of my health, maintain friendships, and attempt to live a life of normalcy as a 20-something year old living in one of the greatest cities in the world. I felt as if my health was failing me — why couldn’t I keep up like everyone else?
When my reiki master suggested that I consider leaving the city that was home for 7+ years, I completely rebelled. But after trying nearly every holistic approach to healing, from energy work, functional medicine, yoga, and more, I was feeling left with no other choice than to finally surrender to what my intuition was subtly trying to tell me for years — my chapter in NYC as a magazine editor was ending. Listen to your body. Trust the unknown. Something more aligned is waiting for you on the other side of surrender.
Deep down, it was not actually my fear of health or letting go of past versions of myself that I had outgrown. It was the fear of slowing down and deprogramming from two decades of belief that my worth is dependent on my ability to perform, exceed, and “do.” Through my journey of healing through a chronic health condition, I was able to discover that years of living in a rush — running 6 to 8 miles before work, working 10 hour days, going to an event after work, getting home at 11 and sleeping for a few short hours, and waking up to do it all again — was killing me slowly.
And who am I to blame? Our entire society is set up to support this tendency towards over productivity. 9 to 5 jobs are rewarded with high-paying salary and benefits, while creatives who see the value in a slow, creative, balanced life have to jump hoops to earn for their art. Women are expected to push through intense working conditions, ignoring the flow of their hormonal cycle that fluctuates within a 28-32 day cycle, while men have a 24-hour cycle that begins and ends within the same day, allowing them to wake up and feel good as new each morning.
Women, however, with wombs function most optimally in our softness. In fact, it’s our super power. A soft life in this day and age is a rebellious life. And the art of living a soft life is not an easy one — at first. But unplugging from the corporate cookie-cutter matrix and plugging into a life of softness, fluctuation, balance, and unique experiences sets us up for a life of freedom, creativity, pleasure, and abundance without bounds. And it’s available to all.
Being soft in such a hard world is a rebellious act, but it is not an impossible one. It all starts within you and with the small choices you make each day. It begins with awareness that there is something better and different available. And the floodgates to freedom open when you truly believe that you are worthy and deserving of such abundance, alignment, and pleasure. That you can rise above the shackles of survival mode and know that you can live a life that brings you joy.
I’ll never forget the moment of quitting my job in New York City and booking a flight to Hawaii with no plan. One hour after quitting my job, I received a call and was offered a job and a place to live within the same conversation in Hawaii. If you’re feeling the nudge for change, leaping into the unknown and creating space for something more aligned to enter is the “yes” the universe needs to give you what you want.
So, living a soft life may feel impossible or like it’s a journey away, especially if you have lots of deprogramming to do in terms of recognizing it’s safe to do so. But it is possible. Here are my best tips for learning to live a soft life in such a hard world:
1. Know that you’re worthy of living a life of alignment. We received only what we feel we are deserving of. A lot of us struggle with worthiness issues that stem from childhood and other traumatic moments in life. Working on self-worth through affirmations, meditation, mirror work, and somatic work can help strengthen your ability to call in what you desire.
2. Rise above survival mode. Thousands of years ago — or presently for some — our lives revolved around fending for food. Many of us are attracted to the timeline of society that says to go to college, get a job, get married, save for retirement, retire, die, because each step is predictable and it feels safe. The unknown brings fears of not having food, money, or surviving. Many times we inherit these beliefs from our ancestors and have to work on deprograming them through energy work, affirmations, and journaling. Living a heart-centered life looks like aligning with the higher chakras and living what I call from a space of abundance-consciousness. Instead of swiping your credit card and feeling anxiety or shame for buying something, see if you can breathe, smile, and affirm the abundance you have and the joy your purchase is bringing you.
3. Create space for being. Our capitalist society reinforces overproduction. We think that when we are not “doing,” we are lazy, not enough, or our value is not as high. Any creative or artist will tell you that the beingness is where the magic is — it is within the beingness that we allow ourselves to receive ideas and inspiration. Not only do we deserve to feel such joy and pleasure, but this balance between being and doing is necessary for us to feel inspired, motivated, and make sure we are living in alignment. Do an assessment and see within your daily life, how often you create space to just “be.” This can look like a walk in nature, free journaling, painting, reading, taking a bath, etc. Can you create more balance between how much you “be” vs. how much you “do” during a given day?
4. Get out in nature. Nature is our mirror and greatest teacher. Nature does not rush. Nature just is. Spend more time outside, allow yourself to put your bare feet on the earth and breath in fresh air, and feel connected to mother nature. We are made from the same water, minerals, and energy as earth — connecting with nature even for 5 minutes a day allows you to bring your awareness inwards and discover that it’s safe to be soft. Nature is incredibly beautiful and perfect in its own way, imagine if it was rushed! We can say the same for us and our lives.
5. Invite in breath awareness. So often when I’m anxious, I hold my breath and don’t even realize. A lot of us tend to breathe in the shallow, upper parts of our breath instead of deep into our bellies. Throughout the day, set alarms to breathe or write Post-It notes around your home or to-do list. Before you get out of bed, take three deep belly breaths. Before you eat, take three deep belly breaths (and bless your food with gratitude for bonus points). Before you make love, take three deep belly breaths with your partner (or solo). Our breath is our source of prana, or life force. It also fuels our body with oxygen to function at optimum capacity. Slow, conscious breathing also slows our heart rate and activates our parasympathetic nervous system to get us out of fight or flight, reminding the anxious parts of our brains that we’re safe and not in danger.
There are many more ways to live a soft life, and I plan to dive deeply into this idea in the months to come, offering more tips and awareness. My goal is to inspire more and more people to embrace a softer life, because this way of life has been such a gift in my own life. So, stay tuned! And please email me or DM on Instagram at @nicolnatale to let me know the ways you’ve been embodying a softer life — I’d love to hear!